Almost all my clients stops listening to me once I hand them something like this, so I say I’ll give it to them in a second, but it’s a feelings wheel, like a dictionary for emotions. Most of the time we can notice when we’re feeling ‘off’, and sometimes we even get to identifying a basic emotion such as sad or angry. The more specific we can be the better, so I want clients to take a look at it and share anything that stands out to them, or if they notice anything on there they’ve been feeling. You can start in the middle with the more basic emotions, and they’re organized in pie sections (which is obvious on this color version but less so on some black/white options). The second vs third ring don’t mean anything, it’s just a grouping. Then I hand it over, the client reviews for however long they want and we proceed. Sometimes it’s just part of an intervention, other times it’s to assist in processing emotion or experience. Here’s a quick list of how a person could use this wheel:

1. Acknowledge when you notice that you’re not feeling okay

2. Identify your emotions accurately, ideally using a feelings wheel

3. Ask yourself “why am I feeling these emotions in this situation?” and reflect on this, or ask “what are my emotions trying to tell me?”

4. Sit with and witness your emotional experience, honouring it until it passes (you’ve got to “feel it to heal it”). Recognize when you’ve done enough then stop for the day. This work can be tiring or overwhelming depending on individual circumstances (e.g., trauma), so approach processing with care

   1. “Sit with and witness” sounds vague, but there are many excellent and free guided meditations online that you can find that help you through the process of feeling or processing your emotions. Often this will focus on calmly and kindly acknowledging the physical sensations in your body and ‘staying’ with those feelings: “I’m noticing that my chest feels a bit tight…kind of heavy, shaky. It’s ok that I’m feeling this way, even though it’s somewhat uncomfortable.” It’s cheesy, but in these moments, treat yourself as if your emotions were the young/child version of yourself, you would listen to them, hold them, be validating and reassuring. Remind yourself things like “I love you and I’m listening”

5. Create a coherent narrative about what happened, looking toward accepting the reality of the situation, perhaps recognizing lessons learned from the situation 

6. Adapt it to fit within how you make sense of your lived experience and sense of identity, or adapt that sense if needed

7. Vulnerability: share the experience and the new meaning (further solidify it via validation)

In my article on emotional regulation I discuss more in depth how this can be incorporated into therapy, but it has a ton of uses. If you google ‘feelings wheel’ you’ll find many options. I like to use one that photocopies well and keep some in my office. The Nonviolent Communication folks have a slightly different or perhaps more discerning take on emotions that is useful too.

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