Debriefing

As therapists, we can take on emotional baggage—sometimes from countertransference, sometimes vicarious trauma, burnout, or simply our day to day, non-typical amount of emotional labor. While we need to be able to process that independently we also need to know when to ask for help. Ideally you can find someone at work when needed and debrief before you leave, be it a clinical supervisor or peer.

Debriefing is an opportunity to walk through the situation that made you feel uncomfortable. I want you to notice how powerful it is when sharing and your colleague says “shit, that sounds like a really tough session”. There’s an ethical component to debriefing at work rather than with a friend or spouse, and it’s a boundary issue to take work home like that.

Sometimes it's just venting, sometimes it's a sanity check, sometimes it's a consultation about safety or risk assessment, and in many cases we’re seeking normalization and validation for ourselves. That’s okay; everyone does it sometimes.

I hope you found someone to debrief with when you needed to, and I hope you pay it forward when you can. Depending in the intensity we may need to debrief immediately, though in that case we may not be able to see a client right after. Often, we don't have the opportunity to debrief until later in the day, so we have to practice containment and self-soothing. It’s important to take care of ourselves in this day-to-day manner, though if the concern builds toward burnout or vicarious trauma, that care may look like doing our own therapy (as a client), working reduced hours, time off, and so on.

Years ago, a wise colleague and I were discussing this:

B: sure, I regularly attend to anything that I notice is still sitting with me and figure out what I need to deal with it

M: All the time? Regularly? Wow, you mean when you take holidays, or wait…you do this every weekend?

B: [looking at me with surprise, confusion, some worry, but trying to be kind] I don’t go to sleep without sorting it out each day

Transitions

Having a clear separation between our work life and home life is another important aspect of self-care. It helps us relax, recover, and be able to show up effectively for the other areas of our life that we find meaningful. New counsellors can feel tempted to over focus on work, which is understandable because there's so much to figure out. However, we need realistic ways to separate parts of our lives. One way to discuss this is as ‘transition rituals’.

Some examples:

• Park and stay in your car for a while thinking about shifting your mindset to home life, making notes for tomorrow at work if needed, but then letting it go

• Park a block away and do the same as above, or drive the long way home, or think about it on public transit, or while walking around the block

• Have clothes you only ever wear at work, and change when you get home with this in mind

• Shower after work (I had a colleague who always did this and imagined the water washing all the difficult stories and emotion from the day away)

• Wash your hands thoroughly when you get home (same as above)

Anything like this can work if done mindfully with the purpose of separation and decompressing. During the transition activity I’m thinking that I’m now done work and want to attend to the other areas of my life that I also enjoy. Unsurprisingly, this need also comes up with clients as it relates to their work/life balance, because we’re all human beings.

We all find our own way to balance life, and I shared some common, effective ways here. What each person most needs will vary. In any case, I hope you do the work of finding what helps you and then consistently apply it.

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